Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
