May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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