WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
