Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
