stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My penis needs a shock collar
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
