i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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