i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
