I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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