i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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