see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
