smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
