made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
