his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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