don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
