I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
