after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
