she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
