he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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