I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
