I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
