stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
