she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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