Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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