I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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