I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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