Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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