It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
