He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
