Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
