physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
