i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
