As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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