I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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