I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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