Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
