Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
