Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
