im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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