i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Randomize
