I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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