matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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