I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
