No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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