He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
