That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
