OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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