now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
