Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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