still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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