my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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