She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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