i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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