I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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