mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
