Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
