this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
