I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
