the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
