My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
