And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
