I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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