Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
