I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
