I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
