where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
