I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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