hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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