i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
zippers are such a cool invention
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
