Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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