i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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