so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my shit smells like andre
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
