Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
