Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
