So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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