he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
we're making bets on your personal life
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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