dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
