I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
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