Dude my mom stole all your condoms
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize