Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
